Hi there all! Are you ready for the second installment of this new series? I sure am!
This week's Why I post is inspired by the following comment:
This from Miss Molly Gibson-
What are your rules for courtship/dating? And now while you're not in a romantic relationship, do you hug/kiss boys - because me, for example, when we have people over, I just kiss or hug them 'hello' and 'goodbye' even if they are boys.
Why would you set stricter rules for when you're pursuing a romantic relationship than the normal relationship you have with just-other-boys?
I read in one of your old posts that your convictions are similar to the Duggar's - why would you save holding hands for the engagement when you can hold hands with pretty much every other being in the world? Can't you do anything extra special with your romantic person?
What are your opinions on all that?
Well, to be perfectly clear, I am but 16 years old, and as Liesl would say, innocent as a rose! But, as you probably anticipated, I am not without my own thoughts on the matter. Keep reading to find out the answers to Molly's question, and more!
The following are my current expectations of what my courtship guidelines would be:
- No kissing.
- No being alone for extended periods of time without permission and a chaperone.
- No unseemly physical contact.
Which leads us to hand-holding and other forms of physical contact. Molly asked if I hugged\kissed boys outside of romantic attraction, my answer is; neither. Haha! I have held hands with a guy maybe 3 or 4 times in my entire life! Of the two times I know for certain, one was in a prayer circle and the other was arm-wrestling! :-D Usually if a fellowship I am at prays in a circle and I somehow end up next to a guy (*smirk* Hahaha! Totally kidding!) an adult will slip in between. As for hugging, I'm just not a hugging kind of person...? And I can't picture myself just hugging a guy to say goodbye. *awkward* As far as kissing goes, it's safe to say the only being receiving that kind of affection are the four-legged kind! In conclusion to the question of "why would you save holding hands for the engagement when you can hold hands with pretty much every other being in the world?" my answer is that I think it is perfectly fine to hold hands with someone you are courting if you both feel comfortable with it.
Molly also mentioned an incident when I said my convictions were similar to the Duggar family's, well, as I have demonstrated to you, that is partly true anyway! For those of you who don't know exactly what their's are, here's a link to an article about them. :-) I do not agree with all of their unwaveringly strict rules, and sometimes get the feeling that they are just a bit too concerned about "full frontal hugs", as Michelle calls them. Not to criticize them, I love the Duggar family! But, I really can't see how say, Jill's excited ("completely accidental") hug that she gave Derick when he came back from Nepal could really do any harm.
I almost forgot to answer these questions,"Why would you set stricter rules for when you're pursuing a romantic relationship than the normal relationship you have with just-other-boys?" and "Can't you do anything extra special with your romantic person?" For the former, my answer is, I wouldn't. The things I've shared here today go for "just friends" as well. I can't say I can clearly imagine an incident in my life when hugging a guy would be imminent, but if it's gonna happen, it's gonna happen, there's no harm in the occasional side-hug, haha! And for the latter, yes, I believe there are things extra special things you can do with your extra special person... He can buy you flowers, you can bake him cookies... He can sit next to you in church, you can pray for him every night... He can tell you that he loves you, and you can believe him because you love him too. ;-) That would be special enough for me.
So, I have told you what I think my rules for future courtship would be, but why courting? Why not just date people until you think you've found the right one? Well, as the Duggars say, "Courtship is dating with a purpose. That purpose being, marriage." What is the general purpose of mainstream dating? Did things like 'finding a godly spouse' or 'getting to know your boyfriend/girlfriend platonically' pop into your head? I'm guessing not. You probably thought 'just having fun' or something similar right? That's all well and good for the world, but we as Christians should take the high road! This is not to say that no one has ever found their soul mate in a manner honoring to God while 'just dating' (even Mr. and Mrs, Duggar, known nation-wide as advocates of courtship met and got engaged through the process of dating!), but in my opinion, it's better safe than sorry. Also just my opinion, courtship is the most safe and dating will most likely leave you sorry.
You've probably all heard this before, but I'll say it again:
Run as fast as you can towards God, and if someone catches up, introduce yourself!If you do that, no matter what you call the road you ride it out on, you're doing it right.
Well y'all, there you have it! A young, inexperienced, homeschooled girl's thoughts on courtship vs. dating! You might think my ideals resemble... perhaps a girl from the 1950's era? Yes, they do. Maybe that means I'm sitting here in a red poodle skirt too! Well, I actually am... Yes, I am sitting on my bed typing this last part up in a red felt poodle skirt! I am picking out my clothes for our little weekend trip down to Chicago for the "Cat's Pajamas" vintage clothes and jewelry sale! If you dress in vintage clothes (from any era) you automatically get in cheaper! Isn't that awesome?! Of course, we probably would have anyway just for kicks! ;-) Okay, time to go find my saddle shoes and bobby socks, I know I have some somewhere....
Are you in a romantic relationship?
What are your dating/courting guidelines?
Make sure to leave a comment with what you'd like to see me write about next!
~~Innocent as a Rose~~